OK, I admit that I love the show , Hoarders, on A&E for several reasons:

1)  My house suddenly looks immaculate to me . It’s not.

2)  I have gotten rid of 20 -year- old Tupperware.

3)  I always cry at the end when they have one clean room and the rest of the house still looks the same. But they actually have a table to eat on, but it’s always order-in because they don’t want to mess up the kitchen again.

4)  I’m glad I never sold Avon, because these people always have huge boxes that say AVON on them.

5)  It forces me to find at least 1 thing to throw out right after the show.

SO….without trying to offend anyone with this hoarding disease (and I do recognize it as a disease), here are my top 10 conversations between therapist and hoarder that  I have found come up again and again

THERAPIST: OK, as you look at this piece of string, do you think you would be willing to let it go?

HOARDER: (turning it over and over and gazing lovingly at it). Well, I’d like to say ‘yes’, but this was given to me on my half birthday by my brother’s girlfriend’s father’s uncle and it really means alot to me.

THERAPIST:  OK…let’s move onto this TUPPERWARE!

HOARDER:  Now you’re just being ridiculous!  Don’t you know how many uses there are for tupperware? They hold things, they can be used in a multitude of crafts, they can feed starving children.

THERAPIST:  But…un..not sure if you’ve noticed this, but there’s rat feces in here.

HOARDER:  Put a little water in it and it cleans right up.

THERAPIST:  Do you realize that you have to sleep on top of 6 feet of clothing on your bed?

HOARDER:  What? A little exercise never hurt anyone.  Boy!  Some Therapist!

THERAPIST:  OK, look, not trying to rush you but it’s the end of the day and we’ve only cleared out one box.  You’re about to be evicted and your children removed from the house.

HOARDER: Fine, take it all, take everything, I dont need any of my own things.  It’s all about the children isn’t it?  What about me? What about my things?  Everything in here has a value.

THERAPIST: Well, is there anything, anything at all that you could donate to charity?

HOARDER:  They can have that flat basketball there.

THERAPIST:  Good Progress!

Really, I’m not making fun because it is a disease, however, there are such obvious similarities in each episode, that you would think the therapists could come up some new strategies.

Give me some of your favorite Hoarding lines!


4 thoughts on “HOARDERS

  1. I loved this article, especially since i do a little hoarding myself. Lets just say my family and friends call me the “Bag Lady”. I just can’t seem to get rid of them.

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