MY WEDDING FLUBS

So many brides are planning their dream wedding as we speak.

I’ve decided to break my silence and tell you the scoop on what went wrong and what went right with my wedding.

First, what went wrong….

Here’s a little background:  My future husband and I planned our entire wedding in less than 3 months.

At that time, we were trying to get the best we could afford of everything. As you will see, price does not, in any way, guarantee a perfect outcome.

I was not the kind of girl that had visions in my head for years of how I wanted my wedding to look or what kind of dress I wanted.  I just went for what felt right at that time.  Not necessarily the best way to go about planning a wedding.

1) We both agreed on a small wedding (less than 50 people) in a small European style hotel. The hotel was exquisite and our first meeting with the wedding planner took place on our first day of planning.  That was the last time I saw the woman until the day of the wedding where she just seemed to be there and I had already forgotten her name.  She was very sweet, however.  It never occurred to me that I had  the chance to talk to her throughout all my planning. (I really should’ve broken down and paid for a book on how to plan a wedding).

2)  The next step was going for the wedding dress.  I went to the premier wedding shop in Chicago and immediately picked out three dresses I thought would be perfect for me.  Oh. My. Gosh. Horrible!  I looked ridiculous.  I was very small at the time with a huge bust and everything I chose made me look like a hooker and not one of those expensive hookers either.  I finally chose my dress in my favorite color which was a pale peach.  It had this really beautiful neckline that minimized the top and had a very tight waist and then long to the floor.  Just like everyone said would happen, as soon as I put  on that particular dress, I knew that was for me.  It was a sample dress so I got an incredible discount, which made me very happy. The sleeves were bound with beautiful ribbons.  I really loved it. The only problem was that nobody talked to me about undergarments.  I had no slip, no bra on, just the dress and pantyhose.  I don’t think it was in any way see-through.  If it was, and anybody from my wedding is reading this now, please keep that info to yourself.  Anyway, I was able to literally get dressed for my wedding in under 5 minutes.

3)  The headpiece was almost as expensive as the dress.  It was a porcelain tiara-style flowered comb in the same peach hues.  I had them attach a veil to it.  Bad mistake.  I should have had it removable so I could take that part off during the meal.  I thought it looked kind of silly after the ceremony.

4)  The guys we chose to do our flowers after picking out our colors, got into some kind of lover’s quarrel the day before the wedding and we were told our flowers wouldn’t be ready.  No idea what happened, but  the flowers  were there on the day of the wedding, looking perfect.  I had mentioned that I didn’t want the flowers too high because of the small round tables.  They advised me that they needed to be that high and  would look beautiful.  I now have 500 pictures of people’s heads cut off because of those stupid high flowers. NOTE TO SELF:  Always go with your first instinct.

5)  I needed to get my nails done the day before the wedding.  The manicure went fine.  I went to I. Magnin to get a pedicure.  This is the last pedicure I ever got in my life.  By the time I got home, I could barely walk.  The manicurist had cut so far into my cuticles that I was developing an infection.  By the time the wedding started, I was in pretty much pain. By the time of the plane trip to San Francisco for our honeymoon, I had to confide in my new husband that I might have an infection and need to go to a doctor.  In a loud voice, my husband looks at me and says:”YOU’VE GOT AN INFECTION?’  So, now the whole plane knew I had an infection.

6)  I went to my hairstylist a few days after I started plans for the wedding.  Another toney place in Chicago.  I’d been going to him for many years and trusted him.  I told him that maybe we should do a trial before the wedding so that we could see what worked.  THE ARTISTE said that there was no need for that.  I, who must have unknowingly ingested crack cocaine said, ‘Fine.  See you on Sunday at the wedding.”  I also set it up for him to do the small wedding party’s hair also.  So….I know what you’re thinking, but it was even worse than that.  He saved my hair to do last only to find out he had none of the tools he needed to create this masterpiece.  Now, you have to understand:  my hair is the bane of my existence.  Thin, long, can’t hold a shape.  Everything was closed because it was a Sunday and all he could get were some velcro rollers.  You can tell the time of the wedding by the pictures. As the time went on, the hair went flatter and flatter.  I had no time to truly hate him because by then, I was really running late.

7)  I later found out that they were short one table in the hotel dining area, which meant that my husband had to run around trying to get someone to come up with another table.

8)  I wanted live music and we had heard several recordings of different groups in the Chicago area.  One duo we particularly loved was a guitarist and flutist. It was beautiful…until they began to sing.  WHO TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY COULD SING?  It was horrible. How could they be musicians and be that tone-deaf.  We decided to take them to breakfast where we could very kindly explain to only play music. There appeared to be a language barrier (I still don’t know what language they spoke), but we were very adamant:  JUST MUSIC! NO SINGING!  They answered back, “Yes…JUST MUSIC. NO SINGING!”  Well, we all went on our way and when I went to walk down the aisle, all I could hear was that singing.  It really threw me.  I gave my hateful look that I was pretty adept at by now and proceeded down the aisle.

9)  I failed to tell the photographer that I come from a large family and my husband from a smaller family.  We had 950 pictures of my family and 5 of his.  It was really hard to put together the family books with only 5 pictures of them.  I guess that I should have taken the time to point out the different families to her.  However, I did see her on the video having a good time with champagne and she was the only one dancing and there was no dancing scheduled as it was a brunch wedding.

10)  I wasn’t going to have a flower girl, but my gorgeous niece asked me, “Can I be your flower girl”, so I said, “Of course”.  Her birthday also happened to be on our wedding day.  So the night before, we had a little cake for her and sang Happy Birthday. Unfortunately, her younger sister….so beautiful as well, was just at that age (maybe 6 years old) to realize not only wasn’t she going to be in the wedding party, but that SHE WANTED A BIRTHDAY ON A WEDDING.  The pictures show one beaming 10 year old girl and one scornful 6 year old.  I don’t, to this day, know why I just didn’t have both of them walk down the aisle.  I mean this wasn’t the Royal Wedding and we really could have just made things up as we went along. Today, the younger sister is still being mercilessly teased about it and I still feel terrible.  Also, the gold necklace that I got the flower girl as a gift for the wedding party was broken by the end of the day.

So….that’s pretty much it for now.

Next installment…..WHAT WENT RIGHT!!!

6 thoughts on “MY WEDDING FLUBS

  1. hahahaha – I don’t even know what to say. This post is hysterical – how funny to hear you recount your wedding experience! I had no idea most of these things went down. I’ll always remember it being an incredibly special occasion – in spite of these frustrating details – a birthday I will never forget, and a reminder of your wedding day each year I celebrate my birthday. PS – I am still so sorry about the necklace. How I wish I could have told my 10 year old self she should have been more gentle. XOXO!

  2. Hey Kiks:

    Forget the necklace. Not important at all.

    Thank you for helping make the wedding so wonderful. You were perfect in it. Oh Peri, how I would do things so differently. However, I would really love to have the “famous” picture of you and Peri on my site. “I WANT A BIRTHDAY ON A WEDDING!”/

    It was special and you guys made it that way.

    ( I also remember that Mal stood up like a famous photographer, after we were walking down the aisle as man and wife, and stood ritht in front of us, and took a picture of us like he was going to sell it to a tabloid of something. ) Too cute!

  3. Aww, that is so sweet 🙂 🙂 🙂 We will never forget all of it! Especially Peri! Thank goodness she can just laugh about it now! She was a mess hahaha 🙂 As for Mal, well, he’s always had an agenda.

    Muah!

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